A person's greatest cleverness： complaining

　　This article has been authorized Source: Fu Shu (ID: kolfrc) Author: Think about it (Fu Shu author)

　　I saw a news before:

　　Wang Yumin, a member of the National People's Congress of high flyers, chose to kill himself because of excessive work pressure.

　　Before his death, he said with guilt: "I have often made mistakes in my work recently, and I can't do anything well. I am very disappointed with myself."

　　However, she is obviously excellent.

　　Her school sister recalled: "Sister Yumin is a very serious and responsible person. If you have any questions, she will help me. She feels very steady and gentle."

　　There is a saying in psychology called "Hawthorne effect".

　　People, when they are in bad mood, find a window to release their emotions, feel comfortable and avoid more unfortunate consequences.

　　However, people always like to report good news instead of bad news, and complaining to others will be labeled as negative energy.

　　As everyone knows, if a person doesn't know how to vent his emotions correctly, he will always hold back his internal injuries.

　　I saw a video of a 5-year-old girl crying and saying that she was wronged on the Internet, and she was instantly impressed:

　　In kindergarten, the teacher found a little girl crying suddenly, and quickly asked her why she was crying.

　　She explained to the teacher why she was crying:

　　"I also did my work today, and I also swept the floor. You praised them for their work. Why don't you praise me for my work!"

　　After that, the teacher told her the reason, praised her and comforted her not to cry, okay?

　　The little girl said, "I won't cry. I just had a really hard time."

　　Then, the teacher apologized to the girl for not praising her in time and asked her, are you happy now?

　　She said, "How can this not be accepted? At this point, can you still be unhappy? "

　　Then she said, "Will you be the first to praise me next time? I will perform better in the future. "

　　Seeing that a child can correctly express his true feelings, as an adult, everyone is ashamed.

　　Correct complaining is the ability we need to learn all our lives. When we encounter negative emotions, it is wise to express them.

　　There is a good saying:

　　"Learning to express anger is an important self-growth. Learning to say no and learning to express anger will really change happiness in life."

　　Happy people must not be people who keep their mouths shut. They vent their grievances correctly and gradually stabilize their emotions. They are two sides of an organic whole and are indispensable.

　　Read such a sentence:

　　"The first step to solve the emotional problem is to express emotions and personal narrative of emotions, which is essentially an inward exploration. Emotional stability is one of personality charms, but it is not the only one."

　　If you have bad emotions and keep suppressing them, you will often end up hurting yourself.

　　I saw a news before that a mother with two children jumped into the river and drowned.

　　In the monitoring, my mother was holding one in her arms and holding one or three people at hand, and she resolutely walked into the river without looking back.

　　Many netizens expressed anger and incomprehension, saying that she was too vicious, had poor psychological endurance, and took her children with her. ......

　　More people say that no mother is willing to die with her children unless she has to!

　　Indeed, it was not emotional impulse that killed her, but the inner despair that could not be expressed.

　　Her husband is away from home all the year round. She has to take care of her two children and her unreasonable husband's family.

　　In the face of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the husband will only persuade his wife to be patient and comfort her: "You are not spending your life with my parents. You are spending your life with me. They can say whatever they like, and they will be patient."

　　The parents-in-law, after each quarrel, will not have any obvious changes, and will also tell these things.

　　When it reached her ears, it became: I am a bad daughter-in-law, bullying the elderly every day, not only driving them out, but also cursing them for their early death.

　　Father-in-law's beating and cursing, sister-in-law's slander, and husband's inaction.

　　Finally, she said in the letter she left:

　　"I can't forget the injury caused by my father-in-law hitting me with the table. Now I still have a scar on my hand. How many times have my children and I been locked in the room without food or drink, and finally even the children can't hold it.

　　However, I dare not and don't want to talk to my husband. I'm afraid he's worried that he can't work with peace of mind, so I put up with it.

　　But, realistically, I'm awake. The reason why we embarked on this road was not an impulse. Our relationship is very good, but I can't bear it. "

　　Her grievances have been kept in her heart, and there is no one around to tell, and she is finally overwhelmed.

　　Nowadays, society will only emphasize emotional stability blindly, don't complain, don't lose your temper, and learn emotional management.

　　But the real emotional management is not saying nothing, knocking out teeth and swallowing blood.

　　There is a saying in the variety show "Before Tomorrow", which is deeply impressed:

　　"Emotion is sometimes a kind of motivation. Sometimes if you can treat negative energy correctly, it is like a kind of soil from which something can grow."

　　Venting moderately is not fooling around, but protecting yourself.

　　No matter how optimistic people are, they also know how to find the breakthrough of emotions and express them correctly. Only in this way can they relax and feel happy.

　　Face bad emotions.

　　Repression is an option, but it is not your necessary option.

　　You can choose to suppress, but you should also feel your real needs.

　　If you can't bear it psychologically, complaining correctly is the best response.

　　There is a saying that is right: live a normal life with emotions.

　　In nonviolent communication, I told such a story:

　　A couple attended a seminar together. In class, the wife said to her husband, "I think I married a wall."

　　When the husband heard this, he sat there motionless.

　　The wife was so angry that she cried, "Look! He is always like this, sitting on one side and keeping silent. "

　　At this time, Dr. Luxembourg said, "Do you feel lonely and want your husband to be more considerate of you?"

　　Blaming will not make others pay attention to your wishes, but will increase the distance.

　　Only by correctly expressing inner feelings and needs can we improve our mood.

　　Emotion is one's own, and has nothing to do with others. Only by being loyal to one's feelings and expressing them accurately can one be happy in life and healthy without resentment in one's heart.

　　No adult is easy. Only by being kind to yourself, expressing your dissatisfaction correctly and loving yourself can you live up to your life.

　　Read such a sentence:

　　"Sometimes, when an emotion strikes, you don't understand the information it brings, or simply shut it out, and this emotion will knock on the door again and again."

　　People, read emotions first, then manage.

　　Strong emotions are worth learning, good, but not worth it.

　　Freud said: "Unexpressed emotions will never disappear. They are just buried alive and will explode in a fierce way one day. "

　　Adults have a compulsory course called listening to themselves.

　　If you are wronged, you should speak out.

　　In the face of injustice, it should be pointed out.

　　There is anger in your heart and you should vent it.

　　True emotional freedom is moderation without concession, balance without compromise.

　　The rest of your life is not long, please yourself and create happiness.

　　About the author: Think about it. Fu Shu, a 22-year-old female, just graduated from college, likes writing, believes in growth and beauty, and looks forward to sharing my feelings with you. The new book "Have a Good Life" is selling well, and I am upgrading my life awareness with 5 million people. Zhihu and Weibo @ Fu Shu, this article is first published by WeChat official account: Fu Shu (ID: kolfrc), and I am authorized to contact Kai Bai's assistant (reproduced).

　　Ignoring and suppressing one's true emotions for a long time will not only fail to achieve true emotional stability, but will easily endanger physical and mental health.

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